When will I create again?

When will setting up my pencils and paint not seem like a chore?
When will I be able to leave my creations unfinished and not fret over them being destroyed by curious hands?
When will I have time to give to creative pursuits?
When will choosing between work and play be less of an obvious answer?
When will having literal anxiety attacks over the idea of spilled paint on a rented floor be a distant memory?
When will scrolling my Instagram feed feel inspiring without the sour taste of jealousy, wanting to join in with the beauty of the creators but feeling like I’m secluded by babies?
When will my overwhelming inspiration enable me to create, rather than just overwhelm me?
I miss creating. I get so simultaneously happy and sad whenever I see beautiful people making beautiful things. The closest thing I get to being creative is setting up little photos with Hamish. Eliza won’t let me use her as a prop anymore. I imagine by the time Hamish goes through this stage I might be able to actually pick up a pen and paper and do a doodle?

Maybe?

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Dear Vicroads,

Who ever has coined this power nap bullshit is obviously a troll, because they do not live in the real world. I understand that fatigue is a serious issue in road safety but your newest campaign is just bullshit.

You’re saying I WILL fall asleep and I will not have any control over where? Really? Because I haven’t slept more than 4 straight hours in 6 months and I’ve never narcolepsyed anywhere except in my bed… And occasionally the couch during Play School.

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Am I yawning? Yeah I fucking am now you turnip, because yawning is a social aspect of being a human. Even now I’m yawning thinking about reading a sign on the Hume highway about fucking yawning! I’m not falling asleep!

But no, I get it. Fatigue is so shit and dangerous when you’re driving. I read somewhere that driving while fatigued is worse than driving drunk* so I totally get where this campaign is coming from.

Power naps is where I’m at a loss though.

Who has time for a power nap? If I tried to pull into one of those power nap bays my kids wouldn’t be having it. My kids are busy napping, and any change in the car environment will wake them. Driving with screaming kids in the car while fatigued has got to be worse than driving while hammered. I hate driving enough without fantasising about ploughing into oncoming traffic just for a little peace and quiet.

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Not only that, but the recommended 15 minutes has got to be a joke right? Do you set your alarm for 15 minutes? If so, are you not stressing for the full 15 minutes that you’re not asleep yet, and your alarm is going to be going off in 11 minutes and you’re not going to have used your power nap to the fullest potential?

Who is running these fucking campaigns??

The only thing that I can think of that would actually help the fatigue situation is to set up crèches every 30km. Hell I would drive from Melbourne to Sydney if you guys promised me a good nap. Even if it was just 15 minutes. Although my experience in sleeping 15 minute intervals is that it’s the opposite of a good time.

Maybe the perpeptually fatigued such as myself need a big “F” plate on their windscreens to warn other drivers?

I don’t know. My feedback doesn’t come with a solution, but seeing as you guys have a pretty bossed out advertising department, I hope this issue is seen to immediately.

Regards,

Maddi.

*I’m not citing my sources I’m too fucking tired.

6 months

My little boy is 6 months old today. SIX MONTHS! Half of an Earth year! Wow!

People say it goes fast and it really does, but at the same time it’s like I can’t remember him not being around.

He seems so much younger than his sister was at the same age. He still barely eats people food but that’s really my own laziness and apathy towards creating yet another fucking mess.

He still very much does not sleep through the night. I couldn’t tell you how often he wakes because honestly I don’t know. We cosleep for my own convenience but also because we live in a house design for a single man and his pet budgie.

He kinda sits. He’s more likely to cry than roll. The main thing I’m chuffed about in getting to the 6 month milestone is breastfeeding.

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I didn’t think we’d get this far. I set myself the optimistic  goal of 6 months without really believing I could do it. But I have, and I can’t imagine doing it any other way. I can honestly see myself doing extended feeding because it seems like my parenting style has gone from “sometimes I care” to “if it’s not broken I ain’t fixing it”.

I find it so easy. I have tons of milk and Hamish is a good feeder. I pop boobs wherever we go without having to consider crap like formula and bottles. I know he comfort feeds but this kid won’t take a dummy. I’m his mum. I should comfort him.

With Eliza it scared me to be her only source of nourishment. I hated being the only one who could calm her. With Hamish I feel needed and it doesn’t break me. I kinda like it.

A year from now I’ll be writing a post begging for help to wean the little shit but for now I am content with my little Gryffindor.

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Still can’t believe I was scared I couldn’t love a boy. The genders of my kids are so irrelevant.