2 days – Lasts

Today is the last day I’ll be totally alone with the little girl who made me a mum. I feel so guilty. I love our time together and I feel like I’m actively ruining it by giving her a little brother. Hopefully, she’ll thank me one day. They’ll grow up as best friends who can’t imagine a world without the other.

Hopefully I won’t be too grouchy when I’m so sleep deprived I feel physically sick.

Hopefully we’ll still have our special mother/daughter bond that I hold so close.

I hope I love this baby like I adore his sister.

image

7 Days

When are we gunna talk about that hollow, crusty Malteser that we suffer through just about every time we have Maltesers? I feel so betrayed every fucking time…

Angus and Julia Stone tonight. Nearly died from the pain of the seats but it’s 2am and I’m not in labour. Thumbs up to that!

This time next week I’ll probably be up with a newborn on my boob.

SHIT

image

9 Days – Perspective

I’m sitting here at almost 1am and I’m in so much pain. My back. She kills me. My back was already sore when I got up in the morning, but I powered through that bitch because dammit, I have shit I need to get done.

I am paying for it now. Ho, boy. I am paying big time.

But I’m still okay.

On my mother’s group with people due at the same time as H, at least once a day there’s a post about how horrible they’re feeling, how they can barely move, etc. I’m dealing with the exact same shit, but damn, I have so much more sympathy for those people.

I have an out date, and that changes your perspective on so many levels.

Pregnancy is a bitch because waiting is a bitch. Not only is it really fucking inconvenient to not KNOW when exactly something is happening, but it makes pregnancy seem like infinity. My section date is creeping up so fast I barely have time to breathe. Yeah, I’m struggling, but it’s going to be over soon. Then a whole new level of struggle will begin.

Last time, pregnant with E, at the same point in my pregnancy I still had infinity to wait. Not only that, but I was treated like a piece of shit. Like my concerns weren’t valid. Pregnancy is so shit and it’s not just because of aches and pains, it’s doctors and their perception of you.

This is a big ramble. Basically, I’m hurting but I’m okay. Yay, single digits!

Annabelle and the tale of bad parenting

Y’all in for a story and it’s got swearing but I really feel the need to tell you.

Holy mother of shit, have you guys seen the trailer for Annabelle?
Do not attempt to watch if you’re weak of heart (or if you’re heavily pregnant).

Alright, so last night I went to the movies with my mum and younger brother. I’m a bit of a fangirl, I don’t know if y’all have noticed, and The Maze Runner just came out. It’s hard to see movies on time when you have a toddler, isn’t it? Anyway, we went to a 9:20pm showing, which in itself is insane. We spotted an older man with two young kids, a boy and a girl, who couldn’t be more than 8.

“That’s weird”, I thought. The Maze Runner, while it’s classed “Young Adult Fiction”, is pretty fucking scary. Also, in general, taking kids to such a late showing is pretty odd. But what ever, not my kids, not my problem.

The trailers before the movie are getting progressively more intense and frightening, which is when you know you’re in for a bit of a scary movie. Trailer for Annabelle comes on. Mother of fuck. I had to shut my eyes and put my hands over my ears while nervously giggling about how fuckED UP this trailer is.

Mum turns to me and says “Oh my God, those poor children.”

Oh my GOD I didn’t even think of them! Thankfully, just as the trailer was over, we saw the man and little girl walking down the stairs with popcorn, so it’s obvious they were out at the candy bar and missed the whole thing. Audible sigh of relief for this child’s innocence.

LITTLE BOY POPS UP, WHITE AS A SHEET.

This EIGHT year old was sitting ALONE while TWENTY FIVE year old me clung to my mother.

Moral of the story? I dunno, but that kid is scarred for life. I literally couldn’t go to bed on my own last night, I wonder how that impacted upon an 8 year old. I’m still nervously giggling about it.

20 Days – Uncomfortable

I went to a family dinner tonight and it was great. I love hanging out with them and knowing that everyone in the room cares about E. She loves being the center of attention.

I’m standing there, hands on my hips, swaying back and forth as pregnant ladies often do. My uncle looks me up and down and sympathetically smiles, “You must be so uncomfortable.”

Actually, nah, I’m alright. For a moment I didn’t even know what he was talking about.

I realised why though. It’s not that I’m physically better than I was with E. Shit still hurts. It’s still uncomfortable and I’m still barely sleeping.

You see the title of this blog post? I have 20 days.

T w e n  t y

That is insane.

This time last time, I had around fifty days left. More than twice as long. It was excruciating. I like to know when things are happening. I know it’s part and parcel with having children that you don’t normally get an exact date. But hey, if I can’t squeeze a kid out my vagina, the least I can do is have an out date.

It’s amazing. I feel so much more calm and zen.

For the love of c-sections, I’m 20 days off having a newborn and I am happy.

22 Days – Rocks

So yesterday I was driving to a friend’s house. I was so out of my mind exhausted, as you often are when you’re rounding up the end of a pregnancy, that I was kind of day dreaming a bit while driving. I know, I know. Dumb. I’m already enough of a clutz while driving without adding day dreaming into the mix.

Anyway, so we’re driving along and I saw some big rocks in a paddock. Like, Lord of The Rings style rock faces. I was thinking to myself about how they even got there, and if those rocks have just been chucked out of some volcano a thousand years ago and no one has bothered to move them? I was really deep in thought.

Cue a fucking blood curdling scream from the back seat. Cue me screaming in response and almost driving right off the road.

E is normally so good when we’re driving, and she was being completely silent. I don’t know what on Earth possessed her to scream the way that she did, but I almost shit my fucking pants. She seemed really non phased by the whole thing.

Kids. They’re more dangerous while driving than being off your face, I swear.

I’m still having palpitations.

23 Days – Easy

This pregnancy has been a breeze compared to E. Seriously, I always thought that I would dread doing this a second time around. Before I had E, the thought of having to be pregnant and take care of a toddler at the same time was on par with the thought of torture. I thought that I would like at least 5 years between E and my second child.

Nope. This is a freaking cake walk compared. I think it comes down to a couple of things;

  1. I have a fuckton less time to whinge.
  2. I KNOW what tired really feels like.
  3. Everything is pre-stretched and ready to go.
  4. I’m much more confident about what is and what isn’t normal

I’m not saying that first time pregnancy is easy, but it is, and if you’re having your first baby you’re probably a big fat baby yourself. You get over that sookyness when you’re a mum already. 

Now watch me die when I have a newborn and a toddler at the same bloody time. Ahhhh…